Choosing Your Way Forward After a Bad Experience
So, you’ve had a bad experience. What next?
When something goes wrong in a project, the two obvious choices often presented are:
Tackle it head-on.
Ignore it and move on.
But I want to offer another frame: becoming an active participant in how you move forward.
The way you process a bad experience can deeply impact how you carry yourself into your future work. Whatever choice you make, it’s important that you make it consciously.
Time and Space
The first step is to give yourself time and space. A cooling-off period allows you to process not just what happened, but how it affected you. For me, that processing involves two different but equally important lenses:
Facts:
What happened?
What went wrong?
What was my responsibility?
What was not my responsibility?
What would I do differently next time?
Feelings:
How did this make me feel?
Why was I triggered?
What patterns does this bring up?
How can I protect myself from this in the future?
This combination helps me move through reflection in a grounded way. The goal is not to bypass emotions nor to drown in them.
No Response Is Still a Response
Once you’ve done your own inner work, you may choose not to address the situation directly. That is deeply valid. It can be a powerful choice to protect your energy and redirect your attention toward work that nourishes you.
No response is a response.
If You Choose to Address It
If you decide to raise the issue with a producer, director, or collaborator, know that it is trickier terrain. I recommend extra time and space before acting.
Even if you choose to address the situation through an in-person conversation, I strongly suggest writing down your talking points first. Time, space, and editing are your allies here.
Once you have a message that is carefully crafted and not impulsive (my first instinct is my worst instinct, thanks anxiety), I also recommend sending it in writing. The person you’re addressing may not be able to receive your message in the moment, but having it in writing gives them the opportunity to revisit it when they are ready.
Some questions to clarify before you begin:
Do I want to invest in a relationship with this person or company? If so, why? Perhaps share that with them.
Do I need to keep the door open for collaboration? Is there a practical conern here?
Or is it okay if this person steps out of my orbit?
The answers will help you decide if the risk and work of speaking up is worth it.
A Note on the Obliviousness of Title Power
In the last five years, I cannot count how many times a person of title power has been oblivious to how bad an experience was for everyone else.
This is deeply frustrating to me, and I think it speaks to the inherited colonial and capitalist systems that the performing arts has adopted.
At the end of the day, we can only control ourselves. As much as I may want to shake someone and make them see what is happening in real time, that is not my responsibility, nor is it yours.
What is reasonable is for those in positions of power to put systems in place so that truth-to-power is part of everyday practice.
It is also on all of us to reflect on our behaviours in the room and seek tools to strengthen our emotional intelligence. Therefore, when feedback comes (whether through direct words, non-verbal cues, or even silence), we are ready and willing to receive it.
Moving Forward
Ultimately, there’s no single “right” way to respond. What matters most is that you take time to process and take ownership of your choice.
By actively deciding, you close the chapter on a difficult experience and lay the groundwork for future projects.